England Anti-World Cup Survival Tips

Has it been four years already?

I am afraid it has.

The pub boards are out, “World In Motion” is blasting from Ford Fiestas and the St George’s flag has been expanded over beer bellies of Foster fueled men.

EURGH FIFA WORLD CUP.

Don’t take this the wrong way, I am patriotic. However, I had a lot more joy in spending the day supporting the Royal Wedding wearing Kate’s face mask, eating Will and Kate personalized cup cakes. I am not even far off supporting sports, I love having strawberry and cream with wimbledon in the foreground.

The FIFA World cup however my support for England is in hibernation.

The reality of standing in a sticky pub, watching a blurry projector, with some man’s arm pit flooded in BO in my face, makes it hard for me to keep up the enthusiasm for St George.

The problem is, it’s every where you go: At home, at work,the commute, the pubs. You can’t even escape to another country because that yellow and green tree, hand logo thing will be waiting for you at the next airport.

 

…ahh

This time around I have come up with a survival strategy which I would like to share with the people who feel like they are fighting against the force of FIFA too.

DIARY

(Have these first round dates prepared)

June

SAT 14th (23:00 our time)

THURS 19th (20:00)

TUES 24th (17:00)

SUN 13th JULY (20:00) (the final- anyone up for end of FIFA WC celebration?)

Preparing Base

If like me, your TV is being taken over for a month and the house is going to smell of bud and chicken wings. Then I recommend you make yourself a base camp in another room with the following:

-cushion/comfy seat

-Laptop/TV/Ipad all ready to go

-stock of wine

-stock of food

-a good box set: breaking bad, game of thrones etc…

This way you keep the peace with your partners/room mates/family and actually look forward to your “me” time.

(My own wine corner..)

Companion

It’s you VS the FIFA epidemic.

Your family, friends, boyfriends will be all brainwashed. Remember all those people that are not into football but “will watch the world cup” …Yeah that is a lot of the people you know.

Get someone (anyone) who you can have a conversation with, without the words:

“Brazil”, “penalties”, “extra-time”,“Rooney”, “Hodgson…”

Run Away and Hide (in a quiet, sophisticated bar)

The Bad news:  A lot of pubs/bars will be flooded with England shirts and Gary Lineker voice booming out when you are walking around.

(I have held a grudge against Gary since I was 6 when he signed my brother’s autograph book and then walked away.)

 

#sexist #maybehedidn’tseemebutwhatever

Check this site before you think to have a drink somewhere so you don’t get a nasty surprise: http://www.matchpint.co.uk/best-pubs-for-football

The Good News: The majority of the nice cocktail bars will be empty. More wine for us! Go to one you have never tried before and don’t come out until it’s all over. (The match I mean..not the whole tournament)

Cover your ears

You will need headphones. Download an audio book and a good playlist  to block out the FIFA world that has taken over. I am talking about the office radio fuzzing all day or the alcoholic version of ‘Glee’ where groups of men and women will be breaking into “Three Lions” where ever you go…

 

Keep optimistic

maybe we will get into penalties early on…

 

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