How To Win This Valentines Day

The queue at the garage is of men holding a pie in a packet and those deal roses. It must be Valentine’s.

In the old single days, I always felt proud on V-Day, smirking at all the pathetic couples with their cliche gifts. I don’t need anyone I will say with pride!

giphy (5)

I tended to mix it up:

Once a fellow single flat mate and I decided to celebrate valentines, we decided to buy each other gifts. She got me fish which lived in our flat till they were found floating a year later.


Last year I decided to really take the plunge and go on blind date on the day. He was nice enough but spoke too much for my liking.

When in a relationship however, everything changes and what people get wrong is this day is far from love no this is all about cold hard competition.

Yes, your lady may say:

“I don’t believe in Valentine’s”

“No don’t bother getting me anything”

“We are not that stupid couple, we fight against society”

“Everyday is our valentine’s baby…blah blah blah”


What you have to think about is the office the next morning. Without doubt- Let’s call her ‘Sally’ will ask – “What did you do for Valentines”

You will want a strong answer ready to fire back at Sally especially as Sally is currently still surrounded by red souvenirs from the pre-valentines Friday delivery.


And let’s not forget the mega bitch let’s call her Olivia-  “I told him not to get me anything but well I guess he just wanted to take me on the Orient Express..”

giphy (4)

You stare at your mini packet of Haribo love hearts, sigh and think….one day I’ll be Olivia. 

So help your chick out from the Sallys and Olivias of this world- here are some tips:

Restaurants – Yes, great start! Book a restaurant, but not any restaurant and not one with big deals being advertised.

Screen Shot 2016-02-13 at 16.48.11

One reason is your romantic date will invaded by every other men who are trying their chances at romancing their pissed off women.

But also, Sally will say ” Ah yes I heard they were doing a 2-4-1 steak offer , how was…that?”

Gifts- STAY AWAY from teddy bears holding hearts and other card shop merchandise. No I am not saying the higher the cost the better, not at all, but we can all see the last minute rush and panic in the teddy bears eyes.  Just keep it unique to the relationship- easy.

giphy (3)

Flowers– as ‘cliche’ as it is, everyone wants that “AH are they for meeee?!” moment. Just stay away from the garage and supermarkets. Sally will pick up on it. Just get them delivered by doves or Interflora and all is good.

Underwear– err no this all going to go down hill from the second , I know and you realise that It’s not going to look like that woman on the poster in the shop.

Screen Shot 2016-02-13 at 16.51.23

Also don’t buy stuff that looks like it’s going to slice up your love one either- It will go into  ‘underwear that was better in theory’ pile, for eternity.

So gone through the basics, there is still time to win!





Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: