Why I failed at being a VVIP at the Isle of Wight Festival

I was given a couple of VVIP tickets to the Isle Of Wight as a thank you for some free work I did for a very nice company.

VVIP basically means you have access to an open Hard Rock bar throughout, free lunch and dinner made by Jamie Oliver’s catering service, a bit of backstage access,  camping with less people around and one free spa treatment. SO as you can imagine I was very much looking forward to this.


However, in life people are born as VVIPs and well we were not those people.  Here is why:

1. It Got To Our Heads

After arriving from a tube-train-bus-ferry-bus ride we finally made it to the festival. It was a beautiful summers day and we couldn’t wait to throw our camping stuff down and experience being a VVIP. We happily skipped up to the first “information” man

“where is our camp site if we are VVip?”

He didn’t know but pointed to further down the field to the next man. So walked down..

“excuse me young man where can we camp if we are VVIP?”

He pointed us further down the field to a large fenced off area. So we walked further..

We flashed our band to the security and proceed through the gate.

“Oi, you are not coming in here- look at my sign”

There was a big cross next to our wrist band colour. He pointed to the other side of the area to the next security man. So we walked to the other side.

flashed our wrist band and..

“no no no you are not coming in here..”


He pointed back to where we came to another gate which had VIP camping sign over it.

This must be it!

So we walked back…

It wasn’t. he pointed to an information man standing near by.

By this point I was Cracking; it was hot, I was carrying every type of miniature cosmetics i could find from boots and a free bar was calling my name.

We explained the situation so far to the newest information man. He then, got out his map and explained we had to go all the way to the other side of the festival to collect another band and come back to be allowed into the camping area.

So off we went walking past happy drunk festival people..


We found a nice gentleman who was sat in a box “VIP”, which once again wasn’t right but he walked us to exactly where we need to be. We got our band and crawled back..

We showed our new wrist band to the security man sat beneath the VIP camping sign with sigh of happiness..


“no, no you can’t come…”

Then Jess cracked.

“Look at my wrist band it says Premium VIP, which means I am VIP BUT BETTER!!!”

he let us in.

And that’s when we knew our little coloured wrist bands had gone to our heads..

2. We Were Not Pro Campers

All i can say is when in doubt… 2 second pop up tent..


3. We didn’t get any selfies with celebrities

At some exciting points of the weekend a celeb will come into the bar, and as you can imagine people got selfies with them.

I didn’t have the balls so here is a picture of David Jame’s back…


(I got told he was the England goal keeper and in a sudden panic asked if he was here who is saving our goals but then I was reassured he was the old goalie…

and Nina Nesbit behind a fence


(Nina couldn’t get in for awhile because she didn’t have the VVIP wrist band despite her just playing on the stage an hour before)

Poor Nina.

Don’t fear though I did get some selfies… with the staff


Karl soon to be Dad, the bouncer.


Dan ” the short arse man” another bouncer

(Lee the camp site security. *coming soon*)

4.Generally we just didn’t play it cool

well this is me entering the VVIP bar


5.We got a bit carried away with the free drinking thing…

Did I mention the bar was free..

On the Friday when we finally got into the free bar we ran in and made our way through the cocktail list..


by the evening our stomachs hurt after too much fruit juice and the only way to relax your stomach is ginger or gin. well there was no ginger so dancing to calvin harris was accompanied by gin.

Saturday: Majority was Rose spritzers. Unfortunately they were not doing Pimm’s so we went on a hunt backstage to see if we could find any and we did! our very own free bar bus which we retreated to throughout the weekend.

The Pimm’s however was on tap with no fruit, so I will not be reviewing it. 


Sunday: a bit of everything. Jess was gulping down her tequila shots with some rower and I went back to the good old cocktail list.


After jumping around to Fall Out Boy (i owed it to my fifteen year old emo self) we realised it was time to head home as we both had to be on set at 8 in the morning..


Just when we thought our weekend was over we found someone left us a bottle of rose on our tent. which by that point seemed to be a very appealing ferry drink…now looking back we probably shouldn’t have drank it.


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